Talking About Marriage

On the blogs that I read and the websites that I browse, I've recently seen some things talking about if couples should talk about marriage before the guy (or the girl) pops the question.  So I'm going to give my view on the topic.  You may agree or disagree, I don't really care too much.  I'm just Tellin' it how it is.

Now the way that I look at it is if the guy pops the question (I'm just going to be talking about it as if the guy pops the question, but it is the same principle if the girl pops the question) and the girl says no.  Put yourself in that guy's shoes.  All of your hopes and dreams?  Crushed.  Now this is just my humble opinion, but I feel like it would be a lot more gentle way to let that guy down by talking about it before rather than him going out and buying a ring and having some elaborate way to ask this girl to marry him.

The question shouldn't be a surprise.  The circumstances to the question being asked should be.  But the girl should not be put on the spot and have to think about if she wants to marry this guy or not.  That will freak the girl out.  So the question should be discussed before the guy actually gets down on one knee.  But you need to make sure that you take her breath away when you ask her that question.  She shouldn't be going through the night thinking, "Oh yeah, he's asking the question tonight."  She should be surprised in that regard.

Now I know that some of you out there will find this a daunting thing to do.  Most of you are freaked out by DTRs (Define The Relationship) because they have a terrible connotation.  But that's because most people suck at them.  You just need to know what you're doing.  Most people make it an awkward mess.

You don't have to sit down and start out by saying, "Alright, we're going to have a DTR right now so that I can know if you want to marry me."  That will blow up in your face 99.9999 percent of the time.  Just work it into casual conversation.  It could be as simple as, "So where do you see yourself in 5 years?"  That might not get you the answer that you want, so you might have to go deeper.  But make sure that you don't just make it seem like you're digging for a specific answer or they'll get a bit weirded out.

So, to sum it up, keep the "when" of the question a surprise, but don't have her be surprised that the question is coming.  And don't have an awkward, formal DTR.  You don't need to do that.


Tellin' it how it is,

The Unobtrusive One

Free Agents

We've all see the couple where one person is just taking the other person for granted.  This post is written for them.  I don't want you taking your significant other for granted.  That's not how it should be.  You need to remember that you're lucky to have them.

Your significant other can be compared to a free agent.  For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a sports term talking about a person whose contract has expired and now they can go to any team that they want.  They usually take the best offer.

So your significant other is a free agent.  There is nothing stopping them from leaving you and going to someone else (unless you're married, then it's just a bunch of paperwork).  How's that for a reality check?

So how do you make sure that your significant other doesn't leave you and start dating someone else?  Well you have to be the best offer on the table.  It's that simple.  Make sure that they know that you love them and truly care about them.  Don't ignore them.  Don't put them down.  Don't raise anyone higher than them.  They should be your number one and they should know that they are your number one.

So keep that in mind.  You have won them.  Now you just need to keep them.

How to Ask Someone On a Date

First off, you'll notice that this post is entitled "How to Ask Someone On a Date".  Not "How to Ask a Girl On a Date".  There is a difference.  In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that it is completely alright for a girl to ask a guy on a date.  I still advocate that.  Nothing has changed.

And, now that we've gotten that out of the way, we can move on to the post.


Asking a person on a date shouldn't really be that hard of a concept to understand, but some people just can't seem to get it right.  You don't have to go all out and leave a riddle on the person's doorstep like people do for high school dances.  There is a time and a place for that.  That time and that place is in high school at a high school dance.

Of course, you can't just sit around the other extreme either where you don't make any effort at all.  This means no texting

I advise that you stick around the middle of those two extremes.  Either ask the person on a date while you are talking face to face or just give them a call.  Phones do still work for more than texting.

All you have to do is say something to the effect of, "Hey, I've been wanting to see [insert name of romantic comedy here] for awhile.  Do you want to be my date?"  It's that simple.

This doesn't have to be a 20 minute conversation.  You can have it last for just a few minutes.  Plan the basics (what day, about what time, etc.) and leave it at that.  You don't have to plan everything out over the phone right then (unless the date is going to be in 5 minutes, in which case, shame on you for taking so long to ask someone), just plan the basics and THEN you can text back and forth to work out the details.

Asking someone on a date shouldn't be that hard to do, but some people still mess up.  Make sure that you aren't one of those people.


Tellin' it how it is,
The Unobtrusive One

The Two Main Rules of Dating

                You readers deserve to read new stuff more often.  So I decided to give you guys another post.  It appears like this blog has turned into a type of dating blog that is just written solely by me, so I guess I’ll continue the trend at least for now.
                Now before I start out on this post (which is obviously entitled “The Two Main Rules of Dating”), I’m going to let you guys know that this is all meant in jest and that I do not suggest that anyone actually follow these rules.  Of course, if you do actually happen to decide to follow these rules, I would love to hear how they worked out for you.  But I don’t recommend following these rules.  Now on to the post.

The Two Main Rules of Dating

1.       Don’t date crazy.

This one shouldn’t be too hard to figure out.  If you date crazy, you're going to have a bad time. I do not recommend it.  Now, you might be wondering, “Who is this Crazy that he’s talking about?”  Well crazy is basically someone who acts crazy.  Have you seen the Overly Attached Girlfriend meme that’s been going around lately?  That is crazy.  Crazy makes a scrapbook full of pictures that they have taken of you when you aren’t looking along with pieces of your hair and anything else that they can get a hold of.  Don’t date crazy.  That leads me to rule number two.

2.       If you do date crazy, make up a fake identity.

If you can’t help but date someone crazy (maybe they’re just too cute to pass up or they have the right connections to get you front row seats at a concert or something similar), then you obviously can’t give them any true information; that will just result in you and your friends being stalked after you break up with crazy.  So you need to make a fake you.  Create a whole new person.  You’ll want it to be close enough to your real self that it doesn’t take too much to pull off and it’s easier to not slip up.

Tellin' it how it is,
The Unobtrusive One

Chick Flicks and Why They're Necessary

I haven't posted in a while, so I decided that I should probably write a post while I'm just sitting here doing nothing (read "browsing the Internet").  First I'll give you the reason why I haven't posted in a long time.  I'm a procrastinator.  Simple as that.  I could've posted a lot, I just didn't.

But on to the post.

Girls, most of you don't need to be told why chick flicks are necessary.  Most of you love chick flicks and what they have in them.  So the first part of this post is mostly for the guys.  Of course I will throw stuff in that the girls should pay attention to.

Guys, you're going to have to watch chick flicks at some point in your life.  Your girlfriend will make you.  Your wife will make you.  Someone will make you.  If you claim that you will never watch a chick flick, you're lying to yourself.  It will happen.

However, chick flicks are necessary.  Take most girls to watch a chick flick instead of an action movie and (most of the time) they'll appreciate it.  On the other hand, if you refuse to watch a chick flick that your girlfriend wants to watch and suggest that you watch an action movie, prepare yourself for a world of cool indifference.  You have to let them have their way some of the time (actually most of the time).

Also.  Chick flicks are the best movies for cuddling.  If you haven't learned that yet, learn it now.

Girls, you make your boyfriends and husbands watch chick flicks.  You know that it's true.  Don't try to deny it.  So, if you're going to make them watch them, you can at least be kind to them and not make them watch the terrible chick flicks.  Guys like movies with action.  So, instead of watching a movie that is completely full of cheesy romance, pick a movie that has at least a little bit of action so that us guys don't get completely bored.

Just to sum everything up: guys, chick flicks are a necessary evil; girls, be kind to the guys and pick decent chick flicks.


Tellin' it how it is,
The Unobtrusive One

My Guide on How to Get Over a Break Up

So, I was recently reading this blog post about how to get over a break up (not because I’ve recently gone through a break up and I’m spending all of my time watching Netflix and eating ice cream, but because it was on one of the blogs that I check out every once and awhile). Anyway, this prompted me to write my own blog post on how to get over a break up. I am not claiming to be an expert on break ups, I’ll admit that I’ve only had one girlfriend, but there were multiple break ups involved in that relationship and the last one was a really crazy one.

The blog post that I read (http://byudates.blogspot.com/2012/03/baby-names-and-wedding-dates.html) had five different points that girl says that she learned from experiencing break ups. In case you don’t want to go read through the whole post (and I don’t expect you to, it’s pretty long), here were her points:

1. When it's been serious, you can't just go back to being friends. It's impossible. Sorry. You've got to cut them out. I've sent and received enough needy text messages to realize that it's just better to end things with dignity; not bitterness and self-pity.

2. Give yourself a few days to mope. But then you've got to move on. Make new friends. Develop new habits. Create an identity outside of the couple you used to be.

3. When the moments of sadness take over, don't torture yourself by reading old letters, text messages and pouring over his [or her] Facebook page. It'll hurt you. And you'll continue to identify yourself as someone he rejected.

4. Read your scriptures. Say your prayers. Go to the temple. Throw yourself into your calling. After every break-up I've gone through, those four simple things have helped me more than anything else.

5. Remember who you are, and that you are worth it. No matter what your low self-esteem is inclined to tell you.

Now that you’ve read her views on break ups (and formed your own opinions on them), you get to hear my opinion on her views. I will start from her last point and work my way up.

“Remember who you are, and that you are worth it.” I see this as a valid point. There are some people who totally lose it when someone breaks up with them. They think that there is something wrong with them and that that’s the reason why the person broke up with them. While this is sometimes the case, it’s usually just because you two weren’t a good fit and they just realized it before you did. The only problem with this is that now you probably won’t realize this as easily as they did and you might actually just refuse to believe it.

“Read you scriptures. Say your prayers. Go to the temple. Throw yourself into your calling.” For those of you who are wondering why she put in a point like that, I’ll tell you. She’s LDS (Mormon). I’m LDS as well, so I’m going to address it. For those of you who don’t want to read my views on this, you don’t have to. Just skip the rest of this paragraph. First off, you should already be doing those things. Except I think that a better wording for the last one would be “Magnify your calling.” When she said, “Throw yourself into your calling,” the first thing that came to mind was some Relief Society President who everyone would avoid because they’re constantly trying to do stuff for them and rope them into their insane frenzy of serving everyone else. Don’t get me wrong, serving people is great, but when you become crazy about it, it gets to be too much.

“Don’t torture yourself by reading old letters, text messages and pouring over his [or her] Facebook page.” This is a good point. You don’t have to delete every single photo of the two of you that’s on Facebook. You don’t have to delete their number from your phone. But don’t be constantly reminding yourself of what the two of you used to do together. My suggestion is to get a shoebox and put all of that stuff that you’ve accumulated from your time together (pictures, teddy bears, whatever) and put it in your closet somewhere. There’s no harm in getting it out and looking through it every once and awhile, but you can’t let yourself look at it too much. I’d say that once a month is the limit. And that might even be a little too much. Maybe start with once a month and then progressively look through it less and less until you find that you don’t have to look through it at all.

“Give yourself a few days to mope. But then you've got to move on. Make new friends. Develop new habits. Create an identity outside of the couple you used to be.” This is why you can’t do everything with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You have to have things that you can do by yourself. Your life can’t be one long date. Guys, go hang out with your bros. Girls, go hang out with your chicks. My point is: don’t be doing everything together in the first place. Let’s face it, there are things that your significant other does that you don’t find appealing at all. Rather than trying to force yourself to like what they do and torture yourself in the process, just let them do those things by themselves or with another friend. It doesn’t have to be you. This will make the break up a whole lot easier for the both of you.

“When it’s serious, you can’t just go back to being friends.” On the contrary, you can go back to being friends, but only if both of you are fine with being just friends. If both of you actually want to be more than friends, you’ll end up having a bunch of make out sessions that you didn’t mean to happen and then you’ll just turn into friends-with-benefits. If one of you wants to still be more than friends and the other one doesn’t, neither one of you will be happy. The one who wants to be more than friends will always be sad that you aren’t more than friends while the one who wants to be just friends will not be happy with the other person’s attempts to get back together. This will end up with the two of you having a few fights and then not being friends at all. But if both of you are fine with being just friends, it will work out, I’ve seen it work before.

Well there you have it. My Guide on How to Get Over a Break Up. I hope you enjoyed it.

Tellin’ it how it is,

The Unobtrusive One

New Posts

Alright, so I've been meaning to do another post, but every time I actually find the time and motivation, I have no clue what to write about. So feel free to give us suggestions of what to write about on this blog. You can either just leave a comment on this post or just email us at offensivebyustudents@gmail.com

Tellin' it how it is,
The Unobtrusive One